The Kids Are All Right
by genies
Summary: Hogwarts kids doing dumb things. Features quite a lot of Scorbus.
1. Sirius Smokes in a Bathroom

**Prompts: (** **(action) Catching someone/being discovered smoking cigarettes in a bathroom, (emotion) Miserable)**

 **WC: 115**

Sirius leaned against the bathroom stall, breathing in deeply. He loved those long drags.

The smoke wisped up towards the ceiling, and he watched it disappear into the vent. When had Hogwarts gotten ventilation?

He let the nicotine seep into his veins as he recovered from what was a miserable day. He almost enjoyed this pity parties.

"Merlin!"

Sirius jumped back from the door, instinctively crushing the cigarette between his fingers, hoping that whomever had just barged in hadn't noticed a thing.

"Oh, it's just you!" he said with a relieved laugh.

"Just me?"

Remus's eyes flashed, and Sirius winced immediately. He knew that he and Remus would be having an unpleasant talk after this.


	2. Rose's Boyfriend Crashes on a Broom

**Prompts: (object) Broomstick, (location) Broom/Supplies Closet**

 **WC: 158**

* * *

"What the _flying fuck_?!"

Rose winced. This was definitely against regulation. Like, 100 percent against the law. As she heard a scream that spiralled into a crash, she covered her face with her hands and tried to forget that she existed.

After a few seconds of self-pity, she rubbed her eyes and put her hands on her hips, ready to fix the issue.

"I'm coming!"

She really should have been watching her Muggle boyfriend get on a broom for the first time. She spotted him behind the broom closet where he'd fallen.

He sat against a bush, dazed.

"You should have told me that I would fly I got on the broom."

"I did, babe," she said, rolling her eyes. "Now, get up. You fell literally two feet."

Rose helped him get up and dust off his pants. She may have just let her boyfriend fly, but at least she had the sense to get him a practice broom.


	3. Albus Teaches His Dad How to Drive

**Prompts: (word) Clueless, driving lesson**

 **WC: 216**

"Nope, that's the gas pedal."

Harry Potter looked ready to scream. "What do you mean?"

Albus sighed, putting his hand on his clueless father's shoulder. "You'll be okay."

"Will I?"

"Dad, stop being dramatic. You just need to press the brake to move the stick."

"I'm guessing the break is the other pedal?"

Albus nodded. "Now you're getting it!"

Harry looked at his son, his eyes pleading. "Don't you think it'd be safer to just have you drive first? So I can watch."

"Dad."

"Sorry, sorry, you're right."

Albus had been driving the both of them around all week, telling his dad how to properly operate a Muggle car. Ever since Harry had moved to the countryside after retirement, he had really wanted to buy a tractor.

Albus thought he'd teach him to drive a real car, first.

"Okay, so change the stick from the P to the R and _slowly_ back out. Emphasis on slowly," Albus instructed, enunciating her words carefully.

Five seconds later, Albus and his father were parked in the garage again. There was only one issue: they had just gone through the garage door in a very untraditional manner.

"Shit, did we just break the garage?" Albus whipped his head behind him to look at the damage. "Mom is gonna kill us!"


	4. Draco is Made Fun Of for Being a Virgin

**Prompts: (dialogue) "Can you please pretend that you have a life for just one moment?", (action) Discussing with friends about how to lose their virginity**

 **WC: 154**

* * *

"Being a virgin is hard work, isn't it?"

Draco flushed beet red, which made him even more flustered, because he wasn't even flushing a pretty red like the color of apples, or something. "Fuck off, Blaise," he mutered.

"That the best you've got?" Blaise laughed.

"Unfortunately, he hasn't got _any_."

"Oh, shit, Theo!" Blaise burst into guffaws.

"Anyway," Theodore said, rolling his eyes, though Draco could tell he was enjoying every bit of this.

Blaise finished the thought for him. "Back to discussing how to get Draco to lose his virginity."

"I don't want to discuss this." Draco crossed his arms.

"Can you please pretend that you have a life for just one moment? Like, pretend that there's a glimmer of hope for you and your untouched prick," Theo continued.

* * *

The conversation Draco had with his father the next day didn't go exactly the way he had planned it.

"Son, they have a point."


	5. Scorpius Teaches Firsties the Rules

**Prompts: (dialogue) "I shouldn't be doing any activity where balls fly at my face." / "Well, there goes your social life.", (dialogue) "My mum says I'm special on the inside."**

 **WC: 264**

"Okay, firstie," Scorpius said, sitting in the Slytherin common with his legs tucked primly under his chair, "there are only two rules that you need to know about how Slytherin is run."

Albus rolled his eyes in the chair next to him. Though he wouldn't challenge Scorpius in front of the entire house, it was almost embarrassing how much Scorpius seemed to enjoy finally being at the top of the food chain as a Seventh Year.

"First of all," Scorpius whispered, counting off one finger on his hand, "you need to try out for Quidditch."

One of the girls raised her hand.

"Yes?" Scorpius nodded at her to give her permission to speak, and he looked so superior that Albus almost burst out laughing.

"I shouldn't be doing any activity where balls fly at my face," she said. "My mum told me."

"Well, there goes your social life," another firstie boy said.

Albus held up a palm at him disapprovingly. "And my mum says I'm special on the inside, so as a lesson, we should not just accept what our mums say."

"Thank you for the backup." Scorpius and Albus shared a nod.

"And for the second rule," Scorpius continued. He flipped his hair back subtly, relishing in how the whole room gasped simultaneously. Or, relishing in the daydream that he was having in which everybody in the room gasped at his lustrous hair. "The second rule is to always boy to the King Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy when you see him in the hall."

"What?"

Scorpius clapped his hands. "Off to bed now, children!"


	6. Scorp and Al Have Their First Fight

**Prompts: (location) Empty Classroom, (dialogue) "Evil and smart." / "Fear it. Embrace it."**

 **WC: 177**

* * *

"You're meaaan," Scorpius whined.

"And you're a virgin, so."

"Thanks to you!"

"I want to take it slow. Fucking Merlin!"

"I bet if you were alive at the time you'd jump on the opportunity."

"Low blow! He's an old man, for Pete's sake!"

"Yeah, a blow all right."

"Shut up! You know I didn't mean it like that!"

Scorpius and Albus stared at each other, each of their hands knotted into tight fists as they faced off. What were they fighting about? Neither could remember. They just both recalled attacking each other in Potions, but they soon decided that their potion was going to explode if they didn't set a date to continue the fight in an empty classroom after class. So here they were.

"This conversation seems like an endless cycle of you saying something and me making fun of you," Scorpius said, picking his fingernails.

"Shut up." Albus stopped, suddenly aware that he and Scorpius were having his first fight. His heart almost warmed at the thought. "You're evil _and_ smart."

"Fear it. Embrace it."


	7. Rose Gets Over a Breakup

**Prompts: (dialogue) "I was so depressed that I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex.", (word) Drama**

 **WC: 143**

Rose collapsed on the couch in Lily's home, staring at the ceiling and shaking her head in disbelief. "Everything sucks."

"Everything?" Lily hurried into the room with two cups of hot chocolate and a blanket. "Schootch."

Rose whined and picked up her legs so Lily had somewhere to sit.

"Oh, I know," Lily said with a pout.

"I was so depressed that I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex."

"Just think about this way, Rose." Lily put the cup of hot chocolate in Rose's hands and dropped in a marshmallow. "Know that he's gone, you won't have to deal with his drama anymore."

"That's the only bright side." Rose groaned.

"Oh, honey, sometimes I do think you milk every situation for the maximum sympathy.." Lily leaned over and massaged Rose's shoulder as the latter girl chuckled. "I'll put a show in the television."


	8. Lily Mortifies a Friend

**Prompts: (emotion) Excited, (action) Being attracted to/starting an intimate relationship with a friend's mum or dad.**

 **WC: 130**

* * *

"Okay, not gonna lie, your dad is pretty hot."

"What the hell?" Abby turned towards her friend with wide eyes.

"Just saying," Lily said with a shrug, "ten out of ten."

"Wait, _why_?"

Lily laughed, a twinkle in her eye betraying exactly what she was about to do. "Oh, his creamy eyes… his quirky smile… the way he talks about herbology as if it were the greatest thing that ever happened to him… the fact that he destroyed a living horcrux… his bangable face… I bet he has a nice happy trail-"

"I'm not listening!" Abby said, covering her ears.

"I can't believe it took you that long to cut me off!" Lily said, pulling her friend's hands away from her ears.

"I was in shock. Don't get too excited."


	9. A Gaggle of Girls Save The World

**Prompts: (action) Several friends being attracted to the same person, (object) Bookcase**

 **WC: 268**

"Oh, my god."

"What?"

"It's Potter."

"He definitely got banged."

"Definitely. That hair gives it away."

"Does he even own a comb?"

Five friends gathered at the library tried to stare surreptitiously over the top of their textbooks as Harry Potter walked into the library.

"That Chosen One aura really hits me right in the core," one of them whispered.

"Which core, if you know what I mean?"

"All of the important ones."

Harry Potter moved to a table farther away, his two friends (who were unfortunately almost always with him) trailing behind him.

"Ugh, I can't believe that Hermione girl."

"Do you think she likes him?"

"Who _wouldn't_?"

"I think she likes Ron, though."

"He's not too bad either."

Harry disappeared behind a bookcase, and the five of them all noticed that he had gone in the direction of the forbidden section. They also noticed that the librarian was headed towards him, a suspicious look on her face.

They shared a glance of pure panic.

"Madam Pince!" one of them squeaked. "I have a question!"

Madam Pince turned towards their table with a pleased expression. She always loved being asked questions. "What is it?"

"Uh…"

A silence fell over the table.

"Why don't we use magic to speed up the pickling of cucumbers? It'd make the industry so much more effective."

Madam Pince's eyes widened as she thought about the question and quickly suggested a few books to read.

The group glanced between each other, pleased. They'd just saved Harry from trouble, and as history would have it, helped him on his quest to save the world.


	10. Albus Takes a Bad School Picture

**Prompts: (dialogue) "You have no sense of fashion." / "Well, I think that depends..." / "No, that wasn't a question.", (action) Having school photo taken**

 **WC: 208**

* * *

"Smile!"

"What?"

A flash went off in front of Albus's face, and he blinked to clear his eyes.

"Next!"

The next thing Albus knew, he was being shuffled out of the chair in which he had just been sitting to get his picture taken.

"You have no sense of fashion," Scorpius said upon seeing Albus emerge from behind the green screen.

"Well, I think that depends…"

"No, that wasn't a question."

Albus rolled his eyes. "You always said you liked the way green looks on me."

"Not _this_ green."

"Vomit green, forest green, it's all the same. More importantly, though, did you catch what she said to me, Scorpius?" he asked. Scorpius had been standing next to the picture booth to wait for Albus to finish, partly because he felt it was his duty, and partly because he'd do almost anything to get out of class.

"She said to smile. Did you? I wasn't watching."

"I am always a ray of sunshine."

"But did you smile?"

"That's none of your business," Albus said with a sniff. As soon as Scorpius and he had parted ways to go back to their respective classes, Albus turned himself right around and marched to the Headmaster's office to inquire about picture retakes.


	11. Scorpius Plagiarizes

**Prompts: (action) Copying someone else's work, (dialogue) "Being a teacher is the most worthy thing a person can be."**

 **WC: 198**

Albus put down a large stack of papers, licking his lips as he tried to figure out how to break the news that the author of the fiction piece he'd just read had just plagiarized all of _Twilight_.

"Scorpius," he started, then stopped.

"Yes?" Scorpius looked so eager and vulnerable that Albus almost didn't have the heart to say anything.

"This story of yours…"

"Out with it, now. I want you to teach me to be a better writer. Being a teacher is the most worthy thing a person can be."

"It's pretty much exactly like this Muggle series."

"What do you mean? Vampires are seen as atrocities, and I painted them as romantic! This is so original!"

"No, seriously, Scorpius. These people meet in Caring for Magical Creatures. He can read minds. He has an adoptive family, the head of which is a Healer. This is too obvious."

"...Fine."

"What?"

"I may have watched all of the _Twilight_ movies and wanted to make a gay version. Maybe."

"Are you serious right now?" Albus choked back a laugh.

"Though by the sounds of it, it seems like you've watched them too, so you can hush up."

"Touche."


End file.
